where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
