actually, I'm a sock model
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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