Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
