U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
