well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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