It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
