I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
