I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
