i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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