The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't notice because vodka
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
