My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize