loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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