I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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