Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize