You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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