32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
