i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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