if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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