She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
