Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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