true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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