dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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