Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
