It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
