My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
