I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
