I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
