i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
