Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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