Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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