stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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