Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
