I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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