I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
