we have officially lost it.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
