Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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