The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize