So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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