Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
