why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
