So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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