my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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