just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
