I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
