I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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