What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
