they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
