I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
