Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How naked do you want me to be?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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