Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
