i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
