We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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