Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
