I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize