I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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