And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
