3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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