...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
