This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
