he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
