Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
