tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
