drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
