You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
