You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize