Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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